The Creation of the Universe

Detailing the creation of the physical universe. For creation of the Marvel Universe, see Western Theological Texts.

Early Stages of the Universe
As described in Leopold Greenwertz's Early Stages of the Universe, before the universe there were several earlier forms of matter.

$$m=\varphi Q$$

This is the Greenwertz postmodern alchemical equation explaining the origin of the universe. Q is the Quizzical factor, that squiggly thing is the Wibbly Jibbly Constant, and m is magic. Which can obviously be viewed as

$$f=m=Q\varphi$$

Which can easily be integrated in respect to volume, V.

$$f dV=m dV=Q\varphi dV$$

It is a well-known fact that leprechauns are made of pure magic, thus have a volume of magic and can be generated by integrating magic in respect to volume.

$$\int Q\varphi dV = Q\varphi V- \int QV d\varphi - \int \varphi V dQ$$

Which proves that at that beginning of the universe, there was enough magic to produce a leprechaun. Over time, these leprechauns would naturally evolve to produce one far superior being. Someone talented and omnipotent and capable of creating Elements which compose everything else in our world. Someone like jazz-fusion drummer and founder of Elements, Danny Gottlieb.

It makes so much sense: as the Leprechauns evolved, they would naturally become increasingly Irish*. And there is no more Irish name than Danny.

Thus, popular jazz-fusion drummer Danny Gottlieb as a founding member of sensational jazz fusion band, Elements, created the three main elements: Earth Wind & Fire.

The Teenage Years
Before the universe could be a grown-up and go out into the adult world, it had to become a gross, yucky teenager. This basic alchemical truth has been stolen and misused by modern people who call themselves "physicists". Such people propose that the universe went through stages such as "The Hadron Age", "The Baryon Age", and The Age of Ultron. However, the first two things on this list are not real, and thus do not deserve discussion on this Wikia.

The Adolescent Universe's Struggle with Acne
No adolescent escapes to adulthood unscathed by acne. And the universe is no exception. Once given foundation by jazz-fusion drummer, Danny Gottlieb, the universe developed a horrible boil commonly called "gravity".

The Teenage Universe's Forgetfulness
Teenagers are forgetful. So was the young universe. It is expected that at one point, the universe was filled with a substance called "baryonic matter" before it forgot about that and filled itself with the three basic elements instead.

The Origin of the Universe
This brings about the perfect field for George Michael's Careless Whisper to emerge. At this point, George Michael sang his famed ballad of eternal love and teenage angst and created the Element of Surprise, which combines with Earth Wind & Fire to build all of matter.

It is described in C.S. Lewis' Narnia that the world was born from the song of a lion. This lion with his mane so spectacular was actually His Fabulousness, George Michael. When George Michael first sang his passionate ballad, Careless Whisper, the universe was born.